forget me not
by Constance Greene
Summary: For Riku, the hardest part was forgetting what they had already forgotten. — Riku


Sadness & despair, be my guest tonight. ¤;;

Author's Note: Random impulses for angst inspired by music. 'Thoughtless' won't be out of my head for weeks. Whatever. Un-beta'd, so input would be appreciated.

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is not my game, nor will it ever be. 'Missing' is not my song, nor will it ever be ( instead, it is Evanescence's ).

forget me not

(( riku oneshot ))

------------------------------  
_You won't cry for my absence, I know –  
__You forgot me long ago.  
__Am I that unimportant . . . ?  
__Am I so insignificant . . . ?  
_------------------------------

For Riku, the hardest part was forgetting what they had already forgotten.

Ever since they had the clever idea to build a raft and sail away to some far-off romantic land like in a whimsical fairytale ( which you always figured would never turn out to be real, in the end ), you expected to be excluded. They would pretend you were their brethren until the last moment, and then they would abandon you. Your so-called friends would make their own maiden voyage without you.

At first, you accepted it. With just a casual and satirical reminder

'_Hey, aren't you guys forgetting about me?_'

you brought them back to their senses. Or at least, you tried to. Reaching desperately for an unattainable dream in the dark was never very easy. You spent a lot of time in darkness; you'd know the feeling. When you're walking on ground you aren't quite sure is completely solid, arms outstretched in front of you like a grotesque parody-act of a zombie stalking through the nighttime shadows. Your fingertips only grasp cloaks of darkness, folds of obsidian drapery that do not clothe the body adequately and instead bleed pungent, rancid odors that singe your nose and the back of your throat. Sometimes you'd trip and fall and you'd lie there, crying sweat, blood and tears into the muck. Your friends' names would spring into your head like missiles that could actually save you instead of harm you.

But you're out of the malignant tomb. Still, there is a blind across your eyes and you're plunged in velvet black, black velvet that isn't all that elegant or inviting. Finally, it's off – and there are your friends. One of them doesn't recognize you because you've changed, the other would say; your face has tanned and contorted with lines you'd normally get decades in the future. You're convinced that your heart's the same and that's all that matters. They would see.

He instead runs to her rather than to you, and you watch them embrace with growing uncertainty. It's as if you're there, embrangled between their slighter bodies but are in fact leagues away – no, lifetimes – from a greater distance apart. And that makes all the difference.

'_Hey, aren't you guys forgetting about me?_'

At last, someone notices you. You're brought together again, a wounded bond temporarily fixed by your presence and ( in )completion. How long would this go on? When would they stop remembering and finally, ultimately, forget?

------------------------------  
_Isn't something missing?  
__Isn't someone missing me?  
_------------------------------

You're spiraling down the rabbit hole, but this one doesn't lead to Wonderland.

You plunge into darkness again, but this time it's the coldest, iciest darkness you've ever tasted. It's despair on your tongue, cyanide. You drink it down.

When you emerge from the ocean's depths and throw your head back to breathe, he's already handing you over to the tide. His eyes are set on one destination: Her. Yes, she has left you behind. Previously you thought she was on your side, but now no one is. No one's going to take you in after all. You're back but it's not the old you. They, however, haven't changed. They still misplace their memories.

'_Hey, aren't you guys forgetting about me?_'

The salty water churns and turns around you, a swirling whirlpool of darkness. You make the half-hearted attempt to swim toward the ones who don't care, won't care, and have never cared, but something keeps on pulling you back and away ( back and away so you can never reach them ). It's either your conscience or the sea; the angry, angry sea that feeds off of your emotion like a colossal drain.

The dark water closes in, advancing enemies in the shadows. Legions of them, all out to get you. Why can't they attack _them_, those who have wronged in disremembering you? Instead, you are chosen to place the blame upon.

Liquid surges up your nose, full-force. You shut your eyes, tight, but they still smart with stinging pain. You swallow darkness. That darkness is water. The water is darkness. It isn't your friend; no one's your friend anymore.

It tries to take you down into its swirling black heart, yet you thrash and struggle and try to refuse. Try to refuse the offer of a sweet, sorrowful demise.

Sinking, still.

Your friends haven't beaten you. It was your regret that did; you could not shed it all with your tears alone.

In the end, the hardest part was letting go.

'_Hey, aren't you guys forgetting . . ._'

------------------------------  
_Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
__You won't try for me, not now.  
__Though I'd die to know you love me,  
__I'm all alone.  
__Isn't someone missing me?  
_------------------------------


End file.
